Women Poems
Hi, I'm Jon Bratton. Welcome to my very
verse-atile Women Poems page which has Women Birthday poems - versus -poetry verses
This Funny Wishes, Greetings, Tributes page comes to you sponsored by
Imag-e-nation - All Your Card Making Needs
_________________
I bring you wishes, verses, poems, quotes, messages, wordings, sayings, text and greetings for, to and from mom or mum and dad, parents, fiance, fiancee, spouses, husband or wife, friends, grandma or nan and grandad, brothers, sisters , children, grandchildren, best friend, mothers, sons or daughters. All are free, online and printable and are funny tributes for birthdays, especially 18th, 21st, 30th, 40th, 50th. 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th, 100th
For more seious poems and verses
A 'Women Poems' piece by Author Unknown
Of course I love you darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So your bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell you, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle you
I can get my arms around there
No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave into gravity
But I know you did your best
I'm tellin' you the truth now
I never tell you lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on your thighs
I swear on my nana's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you were as good as I
Was ever gonna get
No matter what you look like
I'll always love you dear
Now shut up while the football's on
And get me another beer!
FREE TO USE PROVISO
If you are a Crafter or Private Individual you are free to use these women poems and wordings, without asking permission...
These poems and verses are also free to Card Makers who sell cards on
a semi commercial basis (i.e. sales of not more than 50 cards per week)
but note copyright law applies to
* the body of work in parts and as a whole
* individual verses, poems so far as commercial companies are concerned
A Women Poems item which is a Funny birthday poem verses to wife from husband
BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE TO WIFE WHO ALWAYS FEELS THE COLD / HATES CATS / UNTIDY IN THE KITCHEN / ALWAYS MAKES CURRIES
My love for you, on a scale of 1 to 10
Is a 10, my darling Jill
While your love of cats, on the self same scale
Measures precisely NIL
In your Antarctic scarf and woolies
You always look so good
But freezing cold, I think you need
A few more pints of blood
Your exploits in the kitchen
Are such a sight to see
And I really love your curries...
...for breakfast, lunch and tea!!
But it's chaos when you're cooking
You're such a messy pup
If vandals got in your kitchen
They'd probably tidy up
I hope you like this ditty
For your special birthday wish
Or would you prefer a hot water bottle
And a nice new caserole dish?
Funny 18th birthday poem verses from boyfriend to girlfriend
18th BIRTHDAY GREETING TRIBUTE TO GIRLFRIEND WHO LIKES KEEPING FIT / MUSIC / LOVES PASTA / CURRY / HAS DOG CALLED BOBBY / IS NOSEY / TALKS A LOT
Gemma and Bobby are the best of pals
Such an inseparable pair
One has such a nice cute face
The other's covered in hair!
Bobby loves keeping fit
And the latest music sound
Gemma has a cold wet nose
Or is it the other way round?
Bobby's very nosey
And yaps all day long
Gemma never says a word
Or have I got that wrong?
Bobby's had a crush on me
Ever since he was a pup
Gemma likes to lick my face
Or have I got mixed up?
This tribute's for a birthday
A special one that's true
It's for the Pasta and Curry Kid
Bobby is that you?
Lots of love etc
______________________
Funny 40th birthday poem verses to old friend
40th BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE TO BEST FRIEND WHO WAS KEEN JUNIOR HORSE RIDER / FAVE HORSE WAS BOBBY / WON FIGHT AGAINST BOY
Remember all those years ago
When we used to go to Hannah's
You hoy'd a kid over a wall
Cos he didn't show good manners
Poor kid didn't know what hit him
It came as quite a shock
When he gave some lip to the Warrior Queen
Tarz- Anne, the Marsden Rock
You really loved two Roberts then
And you married one, of course
But do you often now look at Rob
And pine for Bobby, the horse?
As a busy working wife and Mum
With a hectic life, no doubt
When you tidy and clean, do you often think
Of the stables...mucking out?
But enough of this nostalgia
Life begins now, they say
Down a few pints at the Rattler
And enjoy your special day
_____________________
Wife and Mum, Mom Birthday poem verses
BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE TO WIFE AND MUM WHO WAS BORN IN 1953 / FORGETS TO WATER HOUSE PLANTS / KEEN READER / CUTS FAMILYS' HAIR
For your birth, they held street parties
The whole country just went mental
T'was in '53... the Queen was crowned
But that was incidental
You drink in TV movies
You've a thirst for books, that's true
Our house plants know the feeling
For they get thirsty too
Having an in-house barber
We think is very good
We save some dosh...and we don't mind
The occasional sight of blood
But your love of Jane Austen books
Gives us our greatest fear
While you cut our hair, steeped in Pride
You might Prejudice our ear
But enough of all these insults
For now the time has come
To tell you that we love you
You're a special wife and Mum
Happy b etc
___________________
Funny birthday wishes in poem verses to Aunt from niece
LIVERPUDLIAN / CAT LOVER / SOLICITOR / PERNOD DRINKER / BIG BUSTED
Does Jan like to take a drink?
Was Hitler fond of war?
Give 'er a bucket of Pernod
She'll sup it and ask for more
On holiday she goes topless
The Spaniards don't want it done
They fear if Jan removes her top
She might eclipse the sun
For Jan has reached a milestone
As best as we can guage
She's joined the over 40's
In bust as well as age
To a cat loving soliciting Scouser
Who seeks an overall tan
Have a great 40th birthday
We love you Auntie Jan
Birthday poem verses
_____________________
40th birthday poem verses to Mum and Wife from husband and children
OBSESSIVE AT HOUSEWORK / GOES OUT ON THE TOWN WITH GIRLS FROM WORK / PASSED HER DRIVING TEST>>>BUT NEVER DROVE
Happy Birthday Margaret
You've reached the big Four - O
You're getting old so it's OK
If you start running slow
You can quit Sunday morning hoovering
You can stop being so keen
To tidy up and decorate
Polish, scrub and clean
You can quit suppin' G & T's
Or "Deli- Babing" round the town
You can settle down and be "Old Madge"
In shawl and dressing gown
You can get fat and help the folk
In the "Food Giant" queue
When they wonder where the name came from
They can just look at you
You can finally quit driving the car
You can look like a bloke ..so butch
You can do anything...it's OK by us
Cos we love you very much
Happy 40th etc
_______________________
Birthday poem verses to wife and mother from husband daughter and son
KEEN TENNIS PLAYER / CYCLIST / ALWAYS LATE / LOSES KEYS
Isn't it Odd?
This is a special birthday tribute
And we really hope to please
But isn't it odd that a prison worker
Should keep mislaying keys?
And isn't it odd that a co-ordinator
Should be always late, not soon
And that a girl born in September
Should have the name of June?
Isn't it odd, since she likes tennis
That she hasn't had this thought
To combine the game with cycling
To help her round the court?
But it's not odd we love her
When all is said and done
She's a lovely caring person
To a husband, daughter, son
__________________
Funny 40th birthday poem verses from a group of close friends
KEEN SPORTS WOMAN / KNOWN AS THUNDER THIGHS / DISORGANISED / WORKS ONLY 5 HOURS PER WEEK
In doing this birthday tribute
It's tempting to take a rise
By using words like "Scatter Brain"
Or even "Thunder Thighs"
But that's not fair, you're an athlete
Fine toned body, well honed mind
A jogging, squash and tennis ace
Unique, one of a kind
You're well organised, and we say that
Not with tongue in cheek
Your work schedule's very hectic
5 hours...every week
You're not at all like a 40 year old
And we mean what we say
Mind you being a Jim Reeves fan
Is a dead give-away
We're glad that we weren't tempted
To be sarcastic or mean
Have a really smashin' 40th, Jan
From Glyn, Joanne, Maureen
Birthday poem verses
__________________
SMALL / KEEN DANCER / NICKNAME "REET PETITE" / GOES TRUCKING WITH FIANCE / WORKS AT OLD FOLKS HOME
Easington's answer to Naomi Campbell
Once did a modelling night
You were just like her, except for style
And colour and looks and height
As a dancer you've got an advantage
Being a "Reet Petite"
Cos it's such a tiny distance
From your brains to your feet
Truckers like a tasty morsel
When travelling near and far
So fiance Jim takes you along
His human Yorkie Bar
And tho' you're now very old
We never hear you grouse
We think it's cos you've already booked
Your place at Moor House
But as it's your 50th birthday
We'll knock the insults on the head
After all you're such a "Nice Girl"
It's true, we've heard it said
Lots of love from all the other "Nice Girls" etc
___________________________
80th birthday poem verses to Mum from sons and daughters
80 year old IRISH MOTHER OF 7 KIDS
As it's your 80th birthday
Let's face it, Mum, you're old
We all agree that it's time
You had your story told
First you had a little girl
And you called her Ann Marie
Then twins, John and Sinead
And already you had three
Like Oliver Twist you wanted more
So who was next to arrive
More twins Ryan and Katie
The number's up to five
By now the stork was worn out
On more he wasn't keen
As encouragement you gave him a Pat
Then along came Eugene
Of course Eugene says he's the best
You'd produced six times before
But in truth the stork took a look at him
And said "That's it ..no more"
You've been a busy lady
For life, you had a thirst
Giving your all for your kids
And you always put us first
But now that you've reached eighty
You're content and so serene
This comes with love from Hannah
And Shauna and Eugene
And your whole extended family
On your birthday have a ball
Ruby, you're a treasured gem
So precious to us all...
______________________
Following are for more birthday poem verses to sister, wife, daughter, niece, aunt, female cousin, girlfriend, partner, lover and other female relatives and female friends
________________
Sue, you're a kleptomaniac
You know you shouldn't oughta
Nick the ashtrays from the pub
That's not nice for a vicar's daughter
Still, it's only the odd pub ashtray
That should be underlined
But your love of guns is worrying
Is armed robbery on your mind?
Since you're stroppy...and a good shot
Perhaps I'm going too far
But...are those secret driving lessons
Cos you need a getaway car?
But Sue there's more to you than crime
As anyone can tell
Based on the booze you can put away
You're an alcoholic, as well
Enough of this, it's your birthday
So here's a tribute all in rhyme
It comes with love from Derek
Your loving partner... (in crime)
Birthday poem verses
______________________
Funny 50th birthday poem verses to wife and mother from husband and daughter
To the most glamorous woman in Guernsey
Whitley Bay is miles away
You're a cracker for a 50 year old
Enjoy your special day
But what to get you for your birthday?
Well, since you're a drinking nut
We considered a nice new liver
But the Butcher's shop was shut
Picking the perfect pressie, Pet
Was such a difficult choice
What you really need, can't be bought
A brand new singing voice
So what about designer clothes?
There's a thought that needs correction
Why even Calvin Klein
Envies your collection
We considered a posh car for you
Or a cruise to an Arctic Isle
To hell with the expense-we got you this
A unique framed up smile
Cos you're so very dear (expensive) to us
Let your hair down, have a Cola
Mixed with a gallon or two of booze
With love ....James and Nola
A Women Poems contribution dealing with a 60th birthday speech to a Mother and grandmother, a retired aromatherapist, where her son, daughter and her grandsons, grandaughters are the main focus
I hope you're sitting comfortably
And you've all been to the loo
Coz I've been handed this little story
And asked to read it to you
It's a traditional fairy tale story
Written all in rhyme
And it starts as all good stories start
Once upon a time
There was a princess
Who was very pretty, I'm told
But that was a long long time ago
She's now very, very old
But rich..beyond her wildest dreams
No I'm not kidding, it's no joke
She made a fortune selling potions
To the poor sickly folk
So the rich princess held a birthday feast
And they came from far and near
To dine in an enchanted castle
Just like this one here
She hired a storyteller
A great fat enormous bloke
Who was very big...on insults
And the occasional sarky joke
He told the princess she had gone
From middle age to pensioner class
And despite being very well off
She still claimed her free bus pass
He reminded the pensioner princess
That she'd reached the big Six-0
She was in her seventh decade
And boy! did it show
Such cheek! If I'd been her, what I would do
Is behead the man for that
'Cept he'd probably be delighted
To lose so much ugly fat
He said, tho' you're very very old
You look good all the same
You've had grey hair for 30 years
You'll suit a Zimmer Frame
He said, now you've reached this old old age
Don't bother to dye your hair
Don't bother with a face lift
Don't change the clothes you wear
Don't bother with a nip n tuck
Don't rebel and cause outrage
Just do the decent thing.....
.....Lie about your age
He said.. you've been 40 years with your Prince
You've aged together, and how
There's still fire in the both of you
You just call it heartburn now
And kids, there are children in this story
From the South West and North East
And the princess loved them very much
To say the very least
Tho the children didn't live near each other
She lived near them all, to be fair
It wasn't magic...it was just because
She had houses everywhere
Two of the children lived in the South
Where there wasn't much dry ground
With Mummy Steve and Daddy Meg
Or was it t'other way round
The girl's name was Jamie
The boy had a Gem of a name
Or perhaps the fat storyteller
Had got it wrong again
The other children travelled the world
From one end to the other
One had the name of Mathew
And Katie was her little brother
With Mummy Andrew and Daddy Suzanne
They searched Canadian snow and Australia's rain
Then they followed the yellow brick road to Oz
To re-search it all again
The fat man spoke of all the guests
The Princess' "Ladies Who Lunch" pal Liz
Lesley and Stuart, who live on motorways
And Gary and D, from the family biz
The storyteller toasted the Pensioner Princess
Not a description on which she was keen
He said "Listen dearie, it's better
Than 'here's to a very old queen'"
At that, the fat storyteller
Said "That's all you'll hear from me"
And he was off, stopping briefly
To pick up his very fat fee
And now boys and girls, ladies and gents
That's all from your GREEAAT Uncle Jon
But kids, I know a little secret
I know what's going on
You see, the prince in the story was Grandad
Trust me, it's true
And the children in the story
Well, guess what, That was you
And the Princess in the story
That was your dear old Gran
What puzzles me is who on earth
Was the big fat story man?
Lesley, you're the third oldest
The rest of us are young
And as it's your Birthday
Your praises should be sung
You may be a very old lady
Who travels about by free bus
But Mrs Lesley Edna Dinning
You're a Princess, to all of us
Verses, Poems, Personalised, for Birthday,