Poems Kids Funny

Poems Kids Funny is the web page for the "Guiding Hands" of children to lead the little ones to the wonderful world of verse and rhyme. These are free for your non commercial use










When good King Arthur ruled the land,
He was a goodly king:
He stole three pecks of barley meal,
To make a bag-pudding.

A bag-pudding the king did make,
And stuffed it well with plums;
And in it put great lumps of fat,
As big as my two thumbs.

The king and queen did eat thereof,
And noblemen beside;
And what they could not eat that night,
The queen next morning fried.

Poems Kids Funny

Have you ever heard of the Sugar-Plum Tree?
'T is a marvel of great renown!
It blooms on the shore of the Lollipop sea
In the garden of Shut-Eye Town;
The fruit that it bears is so wondrously sweet
(As those who have tasted it say)
That good little children have only to eat
Of that fruit to be happy next day.

When you 've got to the tree, you would have a hard time
To capture the fruit which I sing;
The tree is so tall that no person could climb
To the boughs where the sugar-plums swing!
But up in that tree sits a chocolate cat,
And a gingerbread dog prowls below
And this is the way you contrive to get at
Those sugar-plums tempting you so:

You say but the word to that gingerbread dog
And he barks with such terrible zest
That the chocolate cat is at once all agog,
As her swelling proportions attest.
And the chocolate cat goes cavorting around
From this leafy limb unto that,
And the sugar-plums tumble, of course, to the ground
Hurrah for that chocolate cat!

There are marshmallows, gumdrops, and peppermint canes,
With stripings of scarlet or gold,
And you carry away of the treasure that rains
As much as your apron can hold!
So come, little child, cuddle closer to me
In your dainty white nightcap and gown,
And I 'll rock you away to that Sugar-Plum Tree
In the garden of Shut-Eye Town.
Eugene Field

Poems Kids Funny

There was once two Irish labouring men;
to England they came over;
They tramped about in search of work
from Liverpool to Dover.
Says Pat to Mick, "I'm tired of this;
we're both left in the lurch;
And if we don't get work, bedad,
I'll go and rob a church."
"What, rob a church" says Mick to Pat;
"How dare you be so vile?
There's something sure to happen
as you're treading down the aisle.
But if you go I'll go with you;
we'll get out safe, I hope;"
So, if you'll listen, I'll tell you here
how Paddy stole the rope.

Poems Kids Funny

So off they went with theft intent,
the place they wanted finding;
They broke into a country church
which nobody was minding.
They scraped together all they could
and then prepared to slope,
When Paddy cries out, 'Hold on, Mick,
what shall we do for rope?
We've got no bag to hold the swag,
and e'er we get outside,
With something stout and strong, my lad,
the bundle must be tied."
Just then he spies the old church bell,
and quick as an antelope,
He scrambled up the belfry high
to try and steal a rope.

Now when Paddy up the belfry got,
'Ah-hah, bedad, but stop;
To get a piece that's long enough,
I must climb to the top."
So, like a sailor, up he went,
and near the top, says he,
"I think the piece that's underneath
quite long enough will be."
So, holding by one arm and leg,
he drew his clasp knife out,
And right above his big fat head
he cut the rope so stout.
He quite forgot it held him up,
and, by the Holy Pope,
Down to the bottom of the church
fell Paddy and the rope.

Poems Kids Funny

'Come out of that," says Mick to Pat,
as he lay there a groanin',
'If that's the way you cut a rope,
no wonder now your moaning.
I'll show you how to cut a rope,
so just lend me the knife."
"Be very careful,," cries out Pat,
"or else you'll lose your life."
He clambered up the other rope,
and, like an artful thief,
Instead of cutting it above,
he cut it underneath.
The piece fell down and left poor Mick
alone up there to cope;
Says he, "Bad luck unto the day
when we came stealing rope.'

Now with Paddy groaning on the floor
and Mick hung up on high,
Says Pat, 'Come down." 'I can't," cried Mick,
"for if I do, I'll die."
The noise soon brought the beadle round,
the sexton and police,
And tho' they set poor Micky free,
they gave them no release.
They marched them to the county jail
where their conduct now they rue,
And if they'd got no work before,
they've plenty now to do;
And for their ingenuity
they now have larger scope
Than when they broke into a church
to try and steal a rope.

Poems Kids Funny

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