Funny Divorce Quotes

If you are looking for some Funny Divorce Quotes then here they are. These are usually attained after lots of grief and pain alongside a great distance from the event, the lawyers usually see to that bit. The healing process differs for everyone but laughter is the best medicine! These are free for you to use for non commercial purpose.










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Funny Divorce Quotes

Woman wants monogamy
Man delights in novelty.
Love is a woman's moon and sun;
Man has other forms of fun.
Woman lives but in her lord;
Count to ten and man is bored.
With this the gist and sum of it,
What earthly good can come of it?
Dorothy Parker

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So many things
in this life to feel sorry for
Almost too many things
to give back, to keep track
So...."Sorry I was so long
in returning your knife dear,
It took quite a while
to get it out of my back"

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Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild,but when
they go, they take your house and car.

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"Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again,
so is a bicycle repair kit."

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SO HOW DID DID OUR MARRIAGE GET THIS WAY?

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started.....

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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security .
The woman behind the counter asked me for my Driver's
License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet
at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt"
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
for me' and she processed my Social Security application ..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability, too."

And then the fight started...

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Funny Divorce Quotes

Congrats on your divorce
Over religious differences, wasn't it?
He thought he was God,
And you thought he was a Shit.
But he did bring you religion
And he did it very well
For everyday of your married life
Did you not experience Hell?
Jon Bratton c 2005

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A Funny You Tube explaining quite clearly I feel as
to how some relationships just disintegrate!

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See!That's what happened!

Funny Divorce Quotes